What good are theories? Theories attempt to explain a phenomena. Understanding family dynamics and theories help to explain relationships and why they are the way they are.
Family Systems
Family is a system that works together for a greater whole. Within a family system, we have smaller subsystems that are usually very clear. You can be a part of different subsystems within your own family. In my own family my brothers and I are the youngest three children, we all have names that start with the letter B so we are often referred to as the "3B's." To make things easier and quicker my family will say or write that instead of writing out our individual names. The three of us are considered part of our own subsystem and since we're the youngest, we're often also called "the kids" even though we are all in our twenties. Family subsystems can include parental, executive, sibling, or individual relationships.
Within family systems comes different roles and rules. These rules become known to the family and are often unspoken rules that everyone learns while being raised. These rules help set us up for the future for when it's time to leave home so that we can learn and grow on our own for our future families. At a young age we learn these rules as a child with the role of our parents being the head of the family. As we get older, the role changes from being a parent/child relationship to more of a peer relationship. In my own life I've seen this because as I've gotten older, I have become much closer with both of my parents and I'm best friends with them as opposed to seeing them as a disciplinary. Our primary role also changes, growing up it's to be a son/brother or daughter/sister and as we get older it switches to the role of father/husband or mother/wife. It's important to realize that our primary role changes because if we're married our first person to talk to is our spouse instead of our parents or siblings.
THINK: "What family do I want to create?"
Conflict Theory
This theory focuses on relationships and how they involve inequality, conflicts, and change. There will always be conflict and it's best to keep that in mind to know that it isn't wrong when there is conflict within a family but we need to keep it within the family. Families should set boundaries for what can be shared and with whom. This doesn't mean that we don't trust someone so we can't share with them but it is simple to protect the family.
Think of your marriage with a picket fence around the marriage to protect it as a whole. Keep everything within the fence and communicate with your spouse.
<Examples of conflicts could include: money and where to spend it, gender differences, and how we were raised>
Symbolic Interaction
Humans primarily are viewed as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences.
Males tend to be more logical with their thinking and reasoning whereas females are more emotional driven and put their emotions behind everything. Women often read into things much deeper then they should and turn things more emotional. In a relationship, we need both of these ways to be successful and it is important to have both. This theory is big in relationships because couples use symbols to represent things a lot. When you see a couple holding hands, what do you think that means? Most people take this as a sign that this couple really likes each other. However, we should be careful because this is a form of communication that is easy to misread and lead to problems because of the wrong message being sent out.
We should learn to communicate in ways that cannot be misunderstood to leave less space for conflict.
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