How many partners are there in the world for an individual? Many people believe that they won't find "the one" but is there just one or are there several partners for a person? How do we know who could be our person?
What is a date?
1) Planned- Before a date know before hand what you're doing. Have a plan, this shows the other person that you care and want to be on the date with them.
2) Paired Off- A date should be separate than a usual hangout, "hanging out" can get blurry between the two people. This was you can get to know each other better because you aren't distracted by everyone else and anything going on outside of the two of you. More effort is also put into being paired off and shows that both of you want to be with just each other.
3) Paid For- Whoever asks the other on the date should pay for the date or provide the resources needed for the date.
Advice: As the person who was asked on the date, dress up nicer to show appreciation for the other person taking you out. After the date, send a text thanking them and letting them now that you had fun and appreciated how thoughtful they were.
Knowing
To really know someone, it requires shared experiences. There are three things while dating to really know someone.
1) Togetherness- We know someone through shared experiences and through spending time with each other.
2) Talk- This includes mutual self-discloser. To know someone it means understanding and learning about each others thoughts and feelings.
3) Time- It takes at least 3 months to really know someone. Dating for 1-2 years is better for a long term marriage then dating for less than a year.
Dating
When dating someone, shoot to date them for a whole year. Dating for a year helps to see the other person through every season because different seasons bring out different sides to people. Through a year of dating you will also be able to see how the other person is around family at holidays and how he acts around different friend groups.
However, dating for over 2 years can become dangerous. Many people don't think they know everything about the other person so they continue to date them for years. What they don't realize is that you can't know everything about the other person but you will be able to start predicting things about them.
Dating is important, whether that means going on dates with people we're interested in or once we've found that person continuing to go on dates and not just hang out. Not going on dates in relationships leads to marriage problems.
When dating, look for potentials to be your future spouse instead of going on dates with people that you don't think would be a good match for you life long partner. While looking for your future spouse, look for things like
Not a random person
Know some things about
Has some similarities
Is able to commit- this is the #1 determination of marital success
Instead of waiting for "the one" get out and date. In reality, there are several people compatible with every person so if you wait around for the one, you may never find him/her and you'll miss out on some pretty great people. Take the risk of dating people even if you don't think they are 100% the one and only.
Attachment
Growing attachment has four factors. From what should be the most to least, they include:
1)Know
2)Trust
3)Rely
4)Commit
5)Touch
For a healthy relationship, you shouldn't be higher than what's ahead. For example, you to trust someone more before you can rely on them and then you have to be able to always trust them more than you will rely on them.
Often touch comes first, hook ups happen before the date which can lead to being attached before there is even a date. This can lead to trust issues and to feeling more vulnerable than we want to become.
<Early physical contact almost always leads to marriage problems later on.>
In our society, dating seems to be not as important and is often shaken off as not needed. However, I think it is very important to keep dating. Whether you're single or in a relationship, take the time to go on dates and have it planned out. It can't hurt but instead will be very beneficial in the long run for any of your relationships.
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