For many couples, the first step in getting serious means getting physical, but where do these urges come from? Does physical intimacy really matter within a relationship?
Differences
Men and women were created differently in the sense that they would need each other to make things flow. Men are quick to arousal and become first to orgasm while it takes the women a little more time to get to that point. It is important for a man to learn to control himself because if he orgasms before the female even has the chance to feel anything then it can cause a lot of pain for the women and put her in an uncomfortable situation. This situation can lead to a women to become frigid and cold because she might not have had a great experiences. When looking at each genders sexual peak response, males peak at 18 before leveling off while females peak around 35. I feel this topic is avoided a lot in the society but I think looking at those numbers is very interesting. It seems we often think of men to be "horny men" while the women are looked at as "cold hearted" I think in reality we just don't take the time to learn why that is and instead are so quick to judge the other gender for their reasoning. I believe there is so much misunderstanding in a relationship and a lot of it comes from not understanding the other gender.
A Cycle
There is a cycle that goes on between a man and women. A women needs to feel safe, close, and warm before she will get sexual. A man however goes the opposite way, once he gets sexual with a women, he feels safe, close, and warm. You see the problem there? Each gender has a need but when they go against each other it becomes difficult to find the balance. Within the church, we believe sexual intimacy comes after marriage. In my mind, this is God helping to put us on the same cycle, He wants us both to feel safe, warm, and close and then when we build that connection and within the bonds of marriage, both genders can feel good about getting sexual. I think this easily goes in order with the Relationship Attachment Model, the touch portion should come later after all the other categories to build a strong connection and not based on how physical it is.
When touch or the physical attachment comes first, it can be a struggle for both people in the relationship. During sexual events, dopamine and serotonin are released but for women that's not all. Women release what is called oxytocin which is what causes attachment and the connection. In theory, this would be considered the bonding hormone. If two people get physical without being in a relationship, the female is still likely to get attached even if it was just a hook up.
Men were created with a higher sex drive while the women don't have as high of a drive. In a relationship, the two keep each other in a healthy balance of how much sex versus to much. This is when same-gender attraction can lead to issues. With man to man, it can become a very physical relationship because both have a high sex drive. However, when it comes to woman to woman, neither has a high sex drive so after years of being together no one is attempting to have sex which can create a relationship to fall apart.
Fidelity
Fidelity means being true, having accuracy and exactness. To grow a healthy relationship, we should keep in mind the term "HiFi" (High Fidelity). This term refers to being all around, feeling the vibration of the relationship fully, and being more-in with the relationship. This usually means more involved, more invest, more interactive. Remembering that these things come with your wife and keeping them within the bonds of you and your wife only, can help us to have a better built foundation of marriage.
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