Have you ever thought about what stress can do to a family? Stress alone on an individual can be very dangerous but what about on the family as a whole? We must learn how to deal with stress in ways to strengthen the family.
Family Struggle
Family struggles happen in every family. Some big, some small, struggles are inevitable and the sooner we realize that the better off we will be. If we realize that struggles will come, I believe that will help set us up for success instead of failure in the events of trials. Big trials put a lot of stress on a family and sometimes really drive a wedge in between people. The question that goes with that is, 'If God is all about families, why would he allow trials of this significance to be put on a family?' The answer isn't necessarily what we want to hear. Heavenly Father wants us to work, He wants us to to struggle so He gives us trials to make us work. The nest question is 'Why does Heavenly Father want us to struggle?' This is a tough question and causes a lot more stress on people. However, when we struggle, we are pushed to our limits and pushed to our potential. During trials we often feel at out lowest but once we get out of them we realize the strength that we actually have. With families, this is the same issue. There can be so much stress put on a family and can drives wedges between everyone and cause much tension. We must learn how to use these trials and turn them into a strengthening technique to build up our family.
Coping in the Family
Everyone deals with coping differently, stress causes a pileup on every person in the family and every individual dopes differently. Coping can often lead to blaming and placing the blame on other people which just adds more stress to the other individuals and causes even more stress. When we put the blame on others, the tension builds up and the family becomes at risk if we let it take over. Not all coping mechanisms are dangerous and have negative effects, some can be positive and can help be a tool for strength between members. This is called wise coping, a way to cope in a healthy way. Often, when people place the blame on others it usually is combined with pain which then leads to defensiveness. Defensiveness in a family causes walls to be built and increases tension because each person doesn't want to think it was them and puts it on others. These walls that are built are a bad way of coping because instead of dealing with it you're removing your self from the situation as a whole.
Anxiety
Many people deal with anxiety and within a family each individual can experience their own anxiety towards different situations. Some situations stimulate an anxiety response and cause people to react in certain ways. Most people think anxiety as a bad thing and have negative views at it when in fact, anxiety is a natural response to stress. When we entertain thoughts, our brain begins to believe those things, when we believe them we think there is no escape or no way out. This is what can cause depression. The idea with depression is that there is no escape. For family members, depression can be scary because there are so many people who care and love you and you don't want to hurt them. However with family tension. depression can be prominent and cause different members to withdraw from the family as a whole. Depression causes questions, often "what-if' questions. These types of questions are where we go wrong, it's where we see the issues and mess ourselves up because of our twisted thinking.
There are three parts to depression:
1) No one loves me
2) Life sucks
3) It'll never change
This is the twisted thinking we must attempt to avoid because this is where it gets dangerous and we put our minds in a negative bubble. With family members, it is important to recognize our loved ones and when they need us and be there to love and support without over stepping and causing more stress.
ABC/X
There is a model that is used to represent why some families bounce back from stress while other fall apart. I feel as thought we don't pay attention as to why some families do a better job than others but when we look at this model, it is easier to pinpoint those reasons and get a better grasp for our own families of how to better come out of experiences and be strengthened. This model is referred to as the ABC/X model:
Actual event
Both resources & responses
Cognitions
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total eXperiences
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