The transitions into marriage can be very difficult for both the husband and wife. Planning for this next step can be a whole issue in itself. It is supposed to be the happiest time but instead it can create a lot of stress.
Proposal
Our society has become so invested in "the show" of the proposal instead of the commitment behind it. In many cases, the couple has a videographer, photographer, and all they family and friends to witness this elaborate proposal that is going to happen. It becomes a show of who has the best proposal and making sure everyone seed it and gets it to post on social media. Proposing shows you are agreeing to commit to the other person before asking them to commit to you.
Proposing has become a pre-planned event, it used to be an event that only the husband knew. Now, they go together to pick put the ring and almost always know when the engagement is going to happen beforehand. Couples are starting to be "engaged" before they are actually engaged. This often makes the proposal less of a big deal because they know it is happening and are already telling people they are engaged so the proposal becomes even more of a show-and-tell type of thing.
Some proposals are different then how they used to be, but in most cases still, the man still gets on one knee to propose to his future wife. WHY? When a man gets down on one knee he is showing commitment to be vulnerable and to submit himself to this women through everything. In a way, the man is begging the woman to marry him because he is ready and has gone through all the steps before to get to this okay.
The Wedding
The wedding is supposed to be magical and one of the most exciting events in your life. However, for many it is one of the most stressful events to come to a couple. One of the biggest questions to come up is, 'How are we going to afford our wedding?' Some beliefs on weddings is that the wedding has to be extravagant and has to spend a ton of money for it to be the best wedding.
The average wedding right now costs $30,000, where could a couple possibly come up with this amount of money? There are three possibilities as to where they can find the money:
1) Parents: when parents pay for a wedding, they will always think they are owed something even if they said that money is for them. This can become difficult when trying to be fair with both sides of the families when you "owe" them something
2) Delaying the wedding: some people believe this is a way to save up money when in reality, it can put a lot of damage on the relationship when waiting to be married and being in the middle ground. There is a lot of strain put on the relationship.
3) Debt: this is never a good idea if you don't have to go into debt. Going into more debt just adds more stress on a couple, which is not a great way to lead into a marriage.
For every dollar spent on a wedding over $2,500, it decreases the likelihood of a successful marriage.
Advice
-Some help to the couple for the wedding is okay, but encourage them to do most of the work, this way they won't have any regrets because it will be their wedding.
-As a couple, learn to budget for the wedding which will set you both up for good marriage habits and teach budgeting which is important throughout the marriage.
-Don't plan a wedding, plan a marriage.
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